The media has been hyping a story lately about a 29 year-old woman named Sarah who contacted JANE magazine to help her find the right guy with whom to lose her virginity before her thirtieth birthday on November 7th. My column this week is an open letter to her.

Dear Sarah,

I’ve been reading about you and your thirtieth birthday wish in the media. I’m sure JANE magazine is setting you up with many men who are ready and willing to help you. I have a man in mind as well, and I think he can fulfill your longing for love beyond what you’d ever think or imagine. Before I tell you who, though, I’d like to reflect a bit about what I’d guess your birthday wish is really all about.

You’re about to turn thirty. My wife and I actually share your birthday (yes, I married someone with the same birthday as I – it must have been “written in the stars”). Thirty is a big one. You can’t hide any longer from the fact that you’re an adult. And you’re an adult who has yet to experience what the whole world is talking about. You probably feel like you’re missing out.

But what is the whole world “talking about” anyway? Sex, of course – but only a certain kind of sex. The whole world is talking about sex of the pornographic variety. Is this really what you want? What is fast food compared with a glorious banquet? What is cheap wine compared with a vintage Bordeaux?

This may sound strange, but when I was a kid I thought Kraft Mac’n Cheese – you know, the stuff in the box with the flourescent orange powder – was the real deal. That, in my uninformed mind, was macaroni and cheese. It wasn’t till I was about twelve and my grandmother served a hot-baked casserole full of elbow macaroni smothered with a conglomeration of about 359 different melted cheeses that I realized Kraft was a cheap imitation. My world was turned upside down. I’d been deceived. Gypped. Cheated.

My point is that we don’t recognize the imitation until we’re presented with the real thing. Sex of the pornographic variety is not the real thing! But it’s the only thing on display in our culture, so most people don’t know of anything different.

I know you said in an interview that you’re not “all that religious.” I take that to mean you have at least some faith, but it doesn’t really guide you that much. Hey, I can relate. Most people’s religious upbringing does a great job teaching them that God is out to keep us from the real joys in life. As Billy Joel put it, “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun....” There are a lot of joyless religious people out there who give religion a bad name. I love Saint Theresa of Avila’s prayer, “Lord, save us from sour-puss saints.” Well amen to that!

Anyway, I have no desire to shove religion down your throat or give you a “thou shalt not” lecture. But I do want to share with you what I have come to discover about God’s gloriously awesome, wonderously stellar plan for sex. When we reclaim the biblical story from the puritans, ya know what we discover? God made sex – that is, he created us male and female and calls us to this intimate union – as a foreshadowing of the eternal bliss that awaits us in heaven. Yes, it’s true. I’m not joking. This is what all the greatest Christian saints and mystics have always understood.

But here’s the deal, the union of man and woman will only point us to heaven if it really participates in God’s love, if it’s a real expression of God’s love. Beware, Sarah. There are a million-and-one imitation loves on the market. God’s love is the real “macaroni and cheese” so to speak. And God’s love is a committed love. It’s forever. Don’t settle for the cheap stuff.

So the man I want to suggest for you, the only man who can fulfill your desire for love, if you haven’t already guessed, is Jesus. He is God’s love poured out in the flesh, and he longs to live in intimate union with you. As a bridegroom longs for his bride, he longs for you.